you are ok

Hello darlings.

Today I write from the heart. This blog has a lot of different aspects to it. I don't get paid to advertise which allows me to have a little more freedom to be me. Today I thought it would be relevant to talk about being ok.

I posted on instagram a video of me bopping around dancing. Do you feel like you are luke warm and just bopping through life at times? It happens, and sometimes it can take years to feel ok with whatever situation you were given.  I do believe challenges are what make us unique human beings. Experiences give us more gratitude and awareness of what we have and what we have been given. There are so many different stories I could share on here, however my health as been a huge part of my 30's and now that I turned 40 I feel the need to express it and be there for others if they face similar challenges.

I am going to be ok. I had a wonderful pregnancy and it was easy. I had a horrible delivery that lasted 32 hours with a c-section and lots of fear. I was in the hospital for a week after with a baby who didn't sleep and a hubby who thought what in the world just happened?!! Our daughter was born independent and really felt sleeping was for babies...not her. The first year consisted of a sleepless whirlwind and gratitude that my body was ok. Fast forward to a couple years later as we decided it was time to shoot for another one, and life became a series of endless bopping around for years.

I had three surgeries and too many exams to count after we decided for baby number two. The hardest surgery was my abdominal hysterecomy at the age of 34. I have a scar from my c-section and a scar right above it from the hysterectomy. Both scars remind me of my adorable kids. I believe God works in so many incredible ways. For me, I had to have the traumatic c-section to give birth to my daughter or she would not be here. For my son, I know the hysterectomy gave me the faith to choose adoption and he would not be with me today without that challenge. It breaks my heart to think of him not in our lives and the lack of faith I would have had if it were not for certain challenges.

I am ok. You are ok. It might be your relationship, your child, your health, a death, a job and so on. I believe we are here on this earth for such a short time that I must make the best of it, even if it isn't what I want. People experience trauma that is beyond what our brains can even comprehend. I am filled with joy when I hear of humans who take their experience and use it for good. We all can learn from others and we are all going to be ok.

Happy Spring Darlings,

xo jennifer

be yourself.....even as an adult, why is it so hard?

Why oh why are we consumed with what others think? Our society teaches us how we should be, what we should have. You see it all the time in children as they grow and experience more independence and learn to develop decision making skills. As adults we still can carry this child like behavior. Have you ever been in a room being your true self and then thinking....wait a second I feel incredibly strange and uncomfortable, I think I will retreat to a different me. A less confident, a more weary and unintentional person. This feeling can drag us down and can make us feel empty and insecure. Being yourself can be scary and challenging....why is that?

I love people. I can be outgoing and shy at the same time. I have struggled with social anxiety a better part of my adult life. Challenges arose that led me to feel less confident and more insecure. Adopting my beautiful son left me feeling more aware of the world and tireless for many years. Navigating this new family of mine had me question what society felt a family should "look like."

How are you yourself around others? Is it easy or difficult? Strange or just right? I have learned as I have matured that being me sometimes can be challenging or can be an insecure feeling. It is OK to feel this way. It is a process and a process I now cherish. I thank the good Lord that He has given me different qualities than my neighbor, my friend, my dear family member.

I was fearfully and wonderfully made. So were YOU. Own it friends. Own it.

My dear Lucy up above sure is.

Be blessed.

Have a lovely day darlings.

xo jennifer

lucy

The saying goes...a dog is a man's best friend. I was in denial about this until we were blessed with this little pup. I now understand unconditional love from a furry animal. As some of you know, this little lucy lou is quite dependent on me and it is funny to watch. As you can't see in photos, real life shows her on my hip at all times of the day and snuggled by my side at night. God knew I needed a needy pup as it had been 3 years of trying to get pregnant with no success when we welcomed her into our home. This little creature helped my emptiness feeling and continued to be a strength as my health started to become an issue.

I had an abdominal hysterectomy at 34. My life was crashing down, yet my life was building up as 6 weeks to the date of my surgery we were flying to meet our baby boy for the first time in Ethiopia. My body was in so much pain and my mind was confused. This little pup brought me joy and never left my side as my recovery took almost 6 weeks.

When I look back I really don't understand how I was even allowed to fly and meet my son. God worked a miracle and I believe Lucy helped me heal and keep going. I was depressed and in pain and this little fluff ball kept me sane. God knew what I needed and He provided. He does that you know? Sometimes we can't see it at the moment, but when we look back and see His works it can blow your mind. God is good. All the time.

To you lucy loo, I kind of like you.

xo jennifer

5 years ago....

In Ethiopia, bonding and loving....love has no boundaries.

My son is a blessing to us that I strongly feel was God's plan all along. Our journey began 7 years ago, even before his sweet little self was born. We waited in anticipation for almost 2 years before we got the photo of our precious son. He was so beautiful, and we fell in love at first sight. 

Adoption has a magical component to it and there is a love struck feeling like nothing I have ever experienced. You pray and wonder who your child will be, what they will look like, how old they will be when they are placed in your arms forever....

Our forever was on February 7, 2011. A moment that changed me. A moment that made me more patient, more forgiving, a better mama and wife.  I have asked God many times, how was I so blessed to be a part of a journey like this? How did I get chosen to be his mama? Why me? God is good.

Our journey has been one of incredible lengths of love. Love like this has no boundaries, no structure, and no self help book. It is a journey that has given me the opportunity to see life differently, and to be more accepting of life with less judgement and more love.

A few days after bringing him home....oh my heart.

We traveled to Ethiopia twice to meet our baby boy. The first time was over Thanksgiving in 2010. What a thankful and most memorable time. The feeling I had when the doors to the orphanage opened as I stood there with 40 children embracing me and not letting go was unbelievable. In one second, life changing.  He had one tear running down his cheek, and so did I. Our lives had just changed for the better. We were in love.

Leaving our baby after being in Ethiopia for a week was like taking my baby from me after birth. As much as it hurt, it gave me a better understanding of how it felt for our baby's birth mama. Adoption has two sides. I am forever humbled and grateful to his birth mama for allowing me to raise him and be his mama. I think of her so often and realize how strong of a woman she was to be able to let her son go to another mama. That my friends, is love.

5 years ago this Sunday we celebrate our boy and our forever family. A day that we are so blessed to have in our lives. A day a special boy became our forever son.

If you have any questions about adoption, please send me an email in the "hello section." I would love to chat.

xo jennifer